Kim Roasts Abandonment Party: Chapter 4

In this chapter Tome reveals the horrible truth about Droldragia and the wicked monster that was sealed within. Only one man can venture back into the zone to face the beast! That’s right! It’s Darklord! And just to make sure I know it, Kim has written his name in the margin of her critique countless times!

Yes, every time I call him “Dark” in the narration Kim reprimands me with a note that reads “Darklord.” I still don’t see a problem with calling characters by their nicknames but Kim got this idea somewhere and she is NOT letting me forget it.

But let me get to the critique highlights. Kim hasn’t sent me a new chapter in a while and I don’t want her to get scared off by my endless whining. Continue reading

Kim Roasts Abandonment Party: Chapter 3


As we reach chapter three I see that Kim seems to have little problem with Tome and his long monologues of exposition. He explains everything about how magic works and Kim doesn’t get furious with me at all! Of course I’d like to attribute it to the fact that I saved the information until after the reader was hungry enough to digest it.

But we aren’t here to discuss what I did right now are we? Let the literary spankings begin! Continue reading

Kim Roasts Abandonment Party: Chapter 2

In this chapter Mean and Dark meet Mackaba. He’s an enraged police officer that has something in common with my friend Kim: They both start off calm, but if something sets them off–watch out!

Ha,ha, I may joke around about Kim’s harshness, but let it be known that I’m the one that invited it upon myself. It’s just like those anime shows where the friendly rivals duel. They’re always saying “I won’t accept anything less than your best!” And I know that in order for my writing to improve it must be forged in the flame of a thousand blazing Ka-me-ha-me-has!

Now, Kimberly! Come at me with your FULL POWER! Continue reading

Kim Roasts Abandonment Party: Chapter 1

As Kim continues to critique my book, you may be wondering: Why would Brad ask for her help? Does she even know how to write?

The answer is yes! Kim wrote a book and I’ve read it. And she’s working on, like, twenty others. But as I read her novel Caged I noticed that her style differs from mine. Her main character’s thoughts are often expressed in italics every once in while. This helps clue the reader in on the protagonist’s thought processes and motivations.

And while it fits my friend Kim, I do not like to do this. I want the reader to wonder about characters’ motivations and come to their own conclusions. I also want to try to create a moment of Fridge Brilliance. That is, something that appears as a mistake at first. But, upon further reading or during a ponderous trip to the can, turns out to be justified after all.

So let’s find out: will Kim be fooled by my tricks? Or will the mistakes be legitimate? (I’ll probably have examples of both.) Continue reading

Kim Roasts Abandonment Party: Prologue

As you can no doubt tell from the graphic, my friend Kim took me up on my offer to critique my books. And she’s pulling no punches. Her daughter drew this picture to embody the furious judgment her mother is administering to my unworthy tomes.

I wish you could see it. There are words stricken through, punctuation highlighted with fierce disapproval, and comments in the margin as far as the eye can see. These comments shed some light into her critiques, so I’ll put the best ones below along with my responses. Will Kim’s critiques be acknowledged? Or will they fall on deaf ears? The roasting begins! Continue reading

Castlevania: the Netflix Show Review!

Zounds! I’m back! My friend Matt told me my blog was getting stale, so of course I ignored him for three months before doing anything. But the time has come to post here again!

Now, don’t assume I’ve been doing nothing. I have been working on the third draft of Abandonment Party 2: Beyond the Abandoned Party (Working title subject to change.) I’m on the last chapter, even! Unfortunately, the changes I made to the draft weren’t quite “blog-worthy” as it were. Swap a word here; move a sentence there–super uninteresting discussion-wise. So let’s talk about the new Castlevania Netflix show instead!

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Star Trek Beyond and Chekhov’s Gun


That’s right; there’s no chapter this time! It’s all review and discussion for the latest Star Trek film! And that would be Star Trek Beyond: the third installment with the rebooted crew of the NCC-1701 Enterprise. Zounds, what a glorious future of storytelling we have in front of us. I can’t wait for reboots of Picard’s crew, Janeway’s crew, and Sisko’s interstellar baseball team. Continue reading

Warcraft and Abandonment Party 3: Chapter 29 (First Draft)

First Draft


Looks like the first draft of Abandonment Party 3 is done! You know what that means! Time to talk about Warcraft! That’s “Warcraft” the 2016 film–and like my books it also takes years of delays to see the light of day. So let’s discuss it! Or just watch me discuss it with myself!

Spoilers Continue reading

Monsters from Nowhere and Abandonment Party 3: Chapter 28

First Draft

Today I want to talk about something that can happen at the end of a story. Well, it mostly happens at the end of video game stories. It might have happened to you: the final stage has been conquered! The antagonist that you’ve been chasing for days has been defeated! But zounds–what’s this!? A new foe has appeared! Some giant creature that no one ever expected! Some horror that wasn’t even hinted at before or ever explained!

Over at TV Tropes it’s called “Diabolus ex Nihilo.” Or “Giant Space Flea from Nowhere” if you’re talking about a video game.

So let me give you an example from a video game. Of course. Like I’d read a book. Here come spoilers for Final Fantasy IX. (Now out on Steam. Dang, I should have put it on my birthday list.)

Spoilers Continue reading

Fire Emblem Fates and Abandonment Party 3: Chapter 27

First Draft

You may have heard, but the United States is going through a difficult decision this year. There are two political sides vying for control, each with their own candidates and ideals. Some put up an honorable front; some use vile deceit to achieve their goals. But one side MUST be chosen. Yes, that’s right–! The new Fire Emblem games are out!


What? As if you NEEDED more Trump jokes. Anyway, there are two versions you can buy: Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest and Fire Emblem Fates: Birthright. In both games you design a lead character that starts out in the nation of Nohr. That’s them on the left. They raise you as their own family, keeping you locked away in a castle. But zounds, it turns out you were kidnapped as a child: The guys on the right, the Hoshidans, are your TRUE blood relatives! What to do? These mighty nations are at war, and BOTH want you to join their cause. The first five stages let you sample each side of the conflict and then, THEN you must choose who to align yourself with.

I didn’t really know all of that before I went into Gamestop, though. I just made the cashier show me the boxes and I picked the cool guys in dark armor. I still had to make the choice I spoke of earlier, however. The other faction’s side is available as DLC if you own either physical game. And at half price, too. Very nice.

Alright, now for the actual gameplay. I’ve heard that Conquest is the tougher of the two, and what I’ve seen so far is quite difficult. However, these levels are without a doubt the most entertaining levels I’ve seen in a Fire Emblem game. The previous game, Awakening, had two big problems: all the enemies on the map would just rush you, and the reinforcements would appear from nowhere and rush you on the TURN THEY APPEARED. What a crock. Fates brings things back to how they used to be: some enemies chase you, some stand guard, and the reinforcements give you a turn to react before they start running around.

Not to say this is all easy, however. The reinforcements ARE timed for maximum pressure. Did you just engage the boss? They’ll pop out of the nearby stairs. And most levels have effects that either you or the enemies can trigger. Freeze a lake. Flatten a wall. Use wind to blow entire armies all over the place. And if you think you’ll be able to creep forward in formation at leisure, think again: some of the missions are timed. “Beat the bosses in 20 turns” sounds like long enough to do what you want, but in the end I was pulling out all the stops just to get the final hits in on the paired up generals. It’s hectic and awesome.

And yes I’m playing on the mode where any unit death is permanent. You can play with “rez mode” turned on, however, so go ahead and do that if you want.

There is something else you need to know: There is way more “sim” crap in this game. You can make a main base. Build shops and statues. You can get married. You can make a little treehouse where your spouse will show up on the bottom screen and kiss you from your character’s point of view.


Most of the sim stuff is optional, though. I only married off my main character for the support stats: everyone else is single. I mean, it’s not like I care about that nonsense. Just get me into the next thrilling battle, am I right? I certainly don’t fantasize about buxom women ogling my avatar.


Ha,ha,ha. Enjoy the chapter. I have to go, uh, fight more battles.

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