I suppose with this epilogue Kim’s edits are all done. Good work, Kim! I’ll see you for the sequel!
Kim also has no major qualms with the ending, so let’s get started with her FINAL notes.
Hardpan city has been destroyed. Mackaba crawls through the wreckage and rain, dejected and defeated. He realizes that the Lord Leys aren’t coming back, and that he has been abandoned.
A man reveals his presence to Mackaba, a man inside a mobile glass cube. He relates to Mackaba’s situation, and proclaims how lucky Mackaba is to meet him: He is the hero Pinada.
- Rain falls in a storm on the city of Hardpan.
- Kim – Is this the past? Thought the city was destroyed?
Kim. Kim. The VERY next sentence describes the devastated city.
Okay. Since you’ve been right about things a few times before now, I’ll change it to “Rain falls in a storm on the RUINED city of Hardpan.” That way people won’t—after tolerating everything in the book up until the words THE END—give up now.
Here’s the city of Hardpan, and it sure is devastated.
- Every building has been shaken loose from the slab, and out of the wreckage a lone figure crawls.
- Kim – Wait, what? How is the world did he survive a fall like that? And why didn’t Vornis or Tome ever sense him?
Okay, this critique is valid. I had an explanation, but I cut it out in an earlier draft. See, Pinada saved Mackaba by putting him in a shock-absorbent box where he couldn’t be sensed. I’m not sure if putting this information back in would be worth it, but I’ll try.
Mackaba is quite frustrated at the situation and starts to toss his police-related effects away.
- His gun goes flying next along with his soaked gloves. His nameplate comes off with a snap, and tosses that too.
- Kim – Re-word? Sounds like these things are flying off on their own.
Yeah, I should be careful. Mean and her gravity powers could be anywhere. So when something ‘goes flying’ I need to be specific.
Pinada tries to make Mackaba feel better.
- A glad laugh resounds in the box as he sweeps out his long coat sleeves.
- Kim – Uh-oh, someone else with sleeves? That can’t be good.
HA,ha,ha. I didn’t want you to think it’s one of those, uh, short-sleeved coats!
The rain ends the book.
- And as the torrent continues to pummel the city, the rain does not touch him.
- Kim – Who? Mackaba? Or Pinada?
Well, since Pinada is featured in the entire previous paragraph and he’s the only one inside a rain-proof box right now I’d hope you’d assume it was him. 😓
Okay, all done! I still have some work to do and some scenes to add, though. Kim and Matt can look through everything on Google docs to make sure I didn’t miss anything.
Oh! Remember that pandemic I mentioned in the last post? I got a check from the U.S. Government! It was meant to compensate for any inconvenience that shutting down all of society might have caused me. Joke’s on them, though: I never relied on society in the first place!
So I think I’ll use the money to commission more art from the book cover artist, Thomas Hugo. How would you like to see a black and grey full body illustration of Vornis? I know I would! I could put it in the book, too. Right after the chapter where Vornis first appears. Or maybe after EVERY chapter.
Wow, I’d better get to work on all these great ideas. Not sure what my next posts will be, but I’ll see you when “whatever happens, happens!” 😉