Guess what I got my brother for his birthday!? I printed out all of Abandonment Party for him! Ha,ha,ha, who needs publishers, right? All I needed was a printer and two hundred pages of paper with holes pre-punched in the margins. Don’t worry–I got him REAL presents, too. It’s just that he said he won’t read my book in digital form. It hurts his eyes or something and he’s been begging me for a physical copy.
Which reminds me: I should put up the first book on the side margin over there. It seems that people I know are STILL too lazy to download it from Leanpub. For FREE. I even talked about it with my Grandma Smith and Aunt last week. They didn’t even want to read it! They wanted to wait for the movie! Can you believe that? Or have it read to them out loud. Guys! Words are beautiful! And punctuation, too. This is a work of art meant to be experienced in its written form!
But hey, let’s switch it around, huh? How about a film? Why watch Alien on a screen when we can just read the screenplay instead! Let’s try it:
"A L I E N"
SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE:
INT. ENGINE ROOM
INT. ENGINE CUBICLE
Circular, jammed with instruments.
All of them idle.
Console chairs for two.
INT. OILY CORRIDOR - "C" LEVEL
No other movement.
INT. CORRIDOR - "A" LEVEL
Wow, it must be so dull to be a screenplay writer. “Sometime in the future?” I guess you’re not allowed to add detail to your work when you can just get hundreds of special effects guys, sound effects crews, and actors to do it all for you. Hm, let’s see what the sequel looks like:
SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE - SPACE 1
Silent and endless. The stars shine like the love of
God...cold and remote. Against them drifts a tiny chip
CLOSER SHOT It is the NARCISSUS, lifeboat of the
ill-fated star-freighter Nostromo. Without interior
or running lights it seems devoid of life. The PING
of a RANGING RADAR grows louder, closer. A shadow
engulfs the Narcissus. Searchlights flash on, playing
over the tiny ship, as a MASSIVE DARK HULL descends
Hey, that one’s a little better! And it even has some theological commentary. What a bonus. Maybe I was a bit too harsh on my grandma; perhaps works of art CAN be enjoyed in mediums other than the one that the artist intended. Alright, it’s settled! If I’m offered thousands of dollars to make a film I WILL think about it.