Oops, I didn’t do any book writing this month. Part of it was because of the Christmas season, and part of it was because I was waiting for Kim to read draft 5 before I started the polishing process.
But she didn’t read it, so I’ll just go on without her after I’m done with this post. Sorry, Kim; Abandonment Party 2 must be finished and released. It’s amazing, and my millions of fans shouldn’t have to wait another year. I must not disappoint them! 🤩
Okay, so here are the shows/games I’ve been watching/reading:
Metroid Prime 4: Beyond –
Like Silksong, this game was also in development for many years. But it seems to have been stuck in Hell as opposed to Heaven.
First of all, it isn’t even set up the way most Metroid games are: All of the main areas are separated from each other by a massive desert. Nothing intertwines at all. But! Those areas are fun to go through, and a lot of effort was put into making them unique. And the environmental storytelling is superb. Gosh, I’m really not doing my best to sound excited, am I?
C’mon, Brad! Remember that there WERE exciting places! 😣 Like Volt Forge, a factory that creates alien motorcycles. Yeah, it sounds strange at first. But why not? Why wouldn’t aliens design motorcycles and construct massive towers powered by lightning bolts to manufacture them?
So you go inside this place, there’s no power. It’s a silent assembly line that you pick your way through. There are weak enemies and few obstacles on your way to the reactor that starts the factory.
But when you start up that power, the place comes alive. Lightning starts blasting all over the place. Flying drones start hunting you down. Gravity fluctuations send containers tumbling between the ceiling at floor. And ALL the machines are now running. They’re scanning parts, putting them together, welding everything with lasers. So now the hallways that were so easy to navigate before are now dangerous deathtraps.
And it’s so much more than ‘hallways of bad guys;’ each area in the forge feels like a functioning part of the complex. There’s an entire alien assembly line for the motorcycles, along with places like a vehicle packing center, showroom, and even testing courses where you FINALLY get to drive around in one. 😎
Unfortunately, there are some BIG flaws. I love villains, and this game has one: Sylux. You fight him multiple times. And they’re great fights! Amazing music! 🤩
But I have NO IDEA who this Sylux guy is. Why is he so angry with Samus? What is his goal? It’s never explained. In fact, you have to SCAN him during one of his last fights to find out any info at all.
Such a waste to make a good villain, but give him no dialog or backstory. 😑
Flaw two: how do you feel about collecting green crystals? Because they’re growing all over that desert I mentioned, and you MUST find a certain amount in order to beat the game.
Only problem is—the game doesn’t tell you that they’re mandatory! In fact, there’s NO WAY to even see how many crystals you’re carrying. You just smash them with your bike or gun, and Samus absorbs them. The only way to check your ‘crystal progress’ is to turn in the silly things at your base. And there is NO fast travel in this game. You have to drive all the way back to the forest area and go through several loading cutscenes before getting back to HQ.
Shoot—I only knew I needed the crystals after an NPC sent me a radio message when I was almost done with the game.
And yes, there are NPCs in a Metroid game. I don’t really mind; in fact it’s kind of funny the way one of them gushes over Samus. I mean, she’s saved the universe from Mother Freakin’ Brain. Every person she meets should be impressed.
And the NPCs love telling you what to do and where to go, unless it involves something you actually need to know about. It’s a minor annoyance, and it can’t be disabled.
So I’d really only recommend this game on sale or getting it for free as a present like I did. 😆
Donkey Kong Bananza –
It took me way too long to realize that it wasn’t spelled ‘Bonanza.’
I’ll start out by saying that I don’t like the character, Donkey Kong. I just don’t like apes. No primates live in the continental United States, so I never see real ones anyway. (Except at the St. Louis Zoo.)
But Nintendo had the brilliant idea to pair this monkey up with PAULINE. She ‘completes’ DK. In case you don’t know, Pauline is a little girl that hangs on to DK’s back. She can sing, and her songs power up DK into new forms. She also speaks, which is far more entertaining than a monkey’s grunts. And I must be entertained by dialog! ALWAYS! 🤣
The game itself is set up kind of like Mario 64. You’ve got rather large, 3-D areas, and you need to collect bananas in order to progress. Oh, whoops, no you don’t. This game is almost the OPPOSITE of Metroid Prime 4 when it comes to repetitive gathering: I collect bananas because it’s FUN. (And they give DK talent points. More life! New moves!)
And the bananas are plentiful. Finish a mini game for one. Clear out a challenge room. Or maybe you just smashed your way through a mountain and unearthed a hidden stash. The ‘nanas are everywhere, and you never feel as though you have to go out of your way through a freakin’ DESERT to collect.
The biggest downside is that the game is pretty easy. I suppose you could just not power up DK’s talent tree, but I don’t have that kind of willpower. I simply NEED to hold more apple juice. Even though I never use them.
It DOES get tough near the end, however. And the final battles are pretty wild. There are also post-game challenges that test your skills, but I only did a few before moving on to the next game. Maybe someday I’ll come back to it.
Dragon Quest I & II HD-2D Remake –
Sheesh, what a name. Although I guess the title explains everything so I don’t have to. You figured it all out, right? And as I write this, I am only done with DQ1.
Now, I played the original Dragon Quest back when it was called Dragon Warrior on the NES. I got it for free when I re-subscribed to Nintendo Power. And at first, I was not too excited to play it again. After all, the battles only give you one character against one enemy, for the entire game. Get hit, heal. Enemy misses, attack. Total snooze-fest.
But I loved the improvements in the DQ3 remake, so I gave it a chance.
This time you get voice acting, more armor and equipment, mini medal hunts, and many other quality of life improvements that weren’t in the original.
They even added more enemies to fight in the battles! Sometimes you’ll be fighting five beasties all at once. But you still only get ONE hero.
For the most part it’s manageable: you get WAY more spells, weapons, and abilities this time. There are even sigil powerups that you get later in the story that bequeath you with passive skills.
But man, some of the late-game bosses are TOUGH. And if you mess up, you’re dead. Sure, it’s not too bad with autosaves going off after every fight and floor transition, but it can be a bit annoying having to heal, buff, and yet find time to attack a boss that’s blasting you with fireballs and status effects twice a turn.
I eventually gave in and turned down the difficulty to ‘draky quest,’ the easiest mode. But at first I was baffled. Besides more exp and gold, the enemies hit just as hard. What made this mode easier? But then one of the bosses took me down to one HP after two ‘desperate attacks’ in a row. I then realized—I couldn’t die! 😮
And guess what? I didn’t care! I left easy mode on so that I could get the game done with; the bosses were just taking way too long with one character. I was going to bump it up to normal mode for the final boss, but I forgot. I think he took me down to one HP only once, so that’s good enough, right? I’m not really an evil gamer… am I!?
And as you can see from the pic, this game also keeps the archaic English from the original game. For the most part. I believe Robbin’ ‘Ood is the exception, with his gang speaking like Baldric from Blackadder.
There’s also quite an attention to detail. At one point you rescue the princess of Tantagel. Your hero will then PICK HER UP and carry her around until you make your way back to her castle.
She will also appear in battle, even cheering you on with a ‘bravo’ when you win. Most games would have just forced a cutscene with a fade to black and warp to the castle. But as far as I know, you don’t even have to bring her back home at all! You can carry her around for as long as you want, and some NPCs will even COMMENT about her being in your big, strong arms while you march around their town. 😆
I have now started DQ2, and although I have been tempted with the easy mode button, I’ve resisted its siren call! For now.
Blue Seed –
With Supernatural pulled from Netflix, it’s time to journey back to Crunchyroll for my lunchtime shows. I saw Blue Seed on there a while back, and I have fond memories of watching it. Not sure where. Some cable channel, decades ago. 😅
And the opening is one of the most 90’s things ever. Here, take a look:
It’s got it all: nonsensical English lyrics, crappy CGI, late-plot spoilers, and characters brooding/gazing at nothing/firing bazookas.
The story is about a special group of monster hunters called the T.A.C. There’s a girl they meet named Momigi, and she’s a Kushinada. No idea what that is, but it seems to be some sort of priestess/human sacrifice that can kill the monsters.
There is also an orange, antihero monster man called Kusanagi. He’s Momigi’s love interest, and they try to figure out their relationship as all of Japan is attacked by the evil plant-like horrors.
It’s a nice, short series, but I wouldn’t hurry to go watch it. This was dubbed before anime got too popular in the U.S., so some of the voice acting is pretty rough in the first episodes. And since it’s a bit old, you’ve probably seen all of Blue Seed’s tropes done to death if you’ve watched a lot of animation.
I mean, shoot, the whole villain’s scheme is kinda like something Poison Ivy would do from Batman. 😅
Still, it’s a short one. Twenty-some episodes with little filler. I was also surprised by three ‘sequel’ episodes at the end that I had NEVER seen. A fun bonus.
Space Dandy –
And I just finished watching THIS show for the first time. I knew nothing about it, save for the fact that it’s done by the Cowboy Beebop animation team.
Now, Cowboy Beebop is a show that’s all over the place, and Space Dandy feels the same way. I’ll go over the characters, since there aren’t that many:
- Space Dandy – A macho ‘pig’ of a man, who tries to chase aliens for some sort of registration reward center. He has a cool laser gun and a neato ship, but I have no idea how he came across any of it since it seems he’d rather hang out at a space station/bar called Boobies.
- QT – Space Dandy also has a robot droid. This thing is neither cool OR neato: he’s an obsolete piece of junk. But it not his fault since Dandy won’t update is software. QT still manages to be smarter than most other characters, though. And gosh, he TRIES to keep Dandy on track while they’re alien hunting.
- Meow – An alien that resembles a cat. He also manages to be lazier than Dandy. He gets in trouble a lot and doesn’t seem to do much else. He comes through for the crew sometimes, but it’s usually just because he saw some good info on his phone. C’mon, anyone can do that. Even Cat from Red Dwarf eventually got a ‘smelling danger’ ability. 🤔
- Dr. Gel – The ‘antagonist’ is an alien that resembles a monkey. I know I said I don’t like monkeys, but this one wears a powdered wig and dresses up like Uncle Sam so that helps. His ship is also modeled after the Statue of Liberty’s head wearing a ball gag. Dr. Gel, along with his galactic empire overlord, are chasing after Space Dandy for some unknown reason.
There are some other characters, but I’ll let you figure that out for yourself. And if you do start watching it, you should probably finish it. I know you think ‘that goes without saying’ but this show really does some cool things that I’d rather not spoil.
On the other hand, much like Cowboy Bebop, the episodes are indeed all over the place: One will be a gag-filled adventure. Another will be a musical. Or a heart-wrenching solo mission. I never knew what I was going to get.
Shoot, some episodes even cover ideas that I’ve seen on Futurama, but done BETTER. Where they take some sci-fi concept that’s a bit too ‘out there’ for Star Trek, then they infuse it with comedy AND a good story.
Then again, some episodes also leave me wondering “What in the world was that?” 🤔
Much like these blog posts must seem from your point of view! See you next time!