AP2 DRAFT 7: COMPLETE!
I finally buckled down to solve the ‘should character Z survive the book’ problem. If you recall, I was going to ask Kim about for help at my 30th high school class reunion. Here’s a picture of the event, by the way. See? I’m right there in the back almost smiling.
Kim was not feeling well, so she wasn’t able to go. It was a bummer, but I was able to talk to a few other people instead. Like Andy, there in the front surrounded by women. 😐
I also got a free T-shirt! Or a $40 dollar T-shirt, since that’s how much this little shindig cost. I made sure to take as much food to-go as I could to prove to everyone what a master mooch I had become. 😅
ANYway, back to Abandonment Party 2 and the problem of the alive/dead character. I did make a choice on my own, but I’ll keep it a secret for now. And it did give me a bit of extra work. Just about one page of explanation about how ‘character Z’ survived/died, but it didn’t take too long.
The only thing I really need to do now is check all of the pronouns to make sure they’re all consistent. For example let’s say I’m checking ‘hex door.’ I’d open up the ‘find and replace’ feature and type in ‘hex door.’ Then I’d slowly go through to check every time that term appears and make sure I didn’t do something weird like put in a hyphen or capitalize it. (There’s an option to ignore capitalization when searching for the words. Very handy.)
There’s also a good amount of numbers that I’ll need to double-check. I’m terrible at numbers so I should probably quintuple-check. That’s seven times, right? 😅
THEN I’ll have to actually upload everything to Amazon and have fun remembering how to even DO all that again. I hope they still have the ‘check to see how everything looks on Kindle’ program. I’ll have to read the entire book on there at least once to make sure it’s all working correctly. (Even though David said his Kindle version of the first book was wonky in places. I could have been his settings, and no one else complained so I really have no idea if it’s something I can fix.) 🤔
Now, let’s get to Stargate SG-1.
Spoilers for Stargate SG-1 S6 and Supernatural Season 12.
Stargate SG-1: Season Six – Daniel has ascended, and the team is down one member. Who will fill in the missing spot?
E1; Redemption Part 1 – Will it be some Russian guy? Jack won’t have it! But what’s this? Jonas ‘Parker Lewis’ Quinn is still around, and he’s hungry for Daniel’s old job! But let’s put that on hold for now; Anubis is attacking Stargate Command! How, you ask? He’s just dialing in to Earth and keeping the gate open! Forever! With some new particle beam that’s slowing heating up the gate itself until it explodes!
Meanwhile, Teal’c is off-world with his son and Bra’tac. I forgot what they’re doing, but now they’re trying to find a way to stop Anubis’ superweapon.
E2; Redemption Part 2 – Jonas Quinn, has a brilliant idea: they’ll just airlift the stargate out of the mountain silo; strap it onto the new spaceship the Air Force made last episode; and fling the whole thing out into space. All of this pretty much happens I think, and the stargate does indeed explode out in space.
But Anubis’ weapon is still ready to shut down any replacement stargates. Cue Teal’c to save the day! Not only does he bond with is son, but they all find Anubis’ stargate weapon and destroy it for good. This prevents Anubis from attacking any more stargates. Y’know, like the one the Russians still have. Which, if memory serves, is the ORINGINAL Stargate from Giza that SG-1 used in the earlier seasons.
So the Air Force trades Russia for the Stargate, using my tax dollars. Glad my meager cash is being used for something amazing in the Stargate SG-1 universe. 🙄
E3; Descent – The sons of Soong have joined together. And together—they will destroy the Federation. Whoops, wrong show again. Actually, Jonas Quinn is now the fourth member of SG-1. And his first mission is a doozy: recover a Goa’uld Mothership that’s drifting above Earth. 😮
Now why is this? Let me try to explain. Last season Anubis captured Thor and put a brain probe into him. This probe transferred Thor INTO Anubis’ motherships’ computer. Thor was then able to gain limited control over certain ship systems, like the self-destruct function. Anubis and his servants escaped in pods. THEN Thor flew the mothership to Earth as a gift for SG-1. He also suspended the self-destruct.
Whew. What’s even funnier is that the SG-1 team just figures this out all on their own; Thor can’t speak to them until much later in the episode.
It’s a wild episode though. Not only does the ship crash into Earth, but it lands in the ocean. The team scrambles to save Thor’s consciousness and escape before the entire place floods. Also, once Thor’s mind is removed from the ship, the self-destruct starts up again. Jonas has a Daniel-inspired moment and saves the day, swimming through tunnels of ocean water in order to open the cargo bay doors to allow the glider ships to blast off before everything explodes. A+.
E4; Frozen – This is probably one of the worst episodes I’ve seen so far. I really could not tell you what happened. I know a woman was unfrozen from the ice in Antarctica, just like Pickle in Baki. But no one knows who this woman is, and she can’t tell anyone because she doesn’t speak. She DOES make everyone sick, however. And she also heals them somehow. Then she dies. But Jack ISN’T healed and he has to go get a Goa’uld parasite from the Tok’ra or else he’ll die.
NONE of this is explained, by the way. Who was the woman? Why did everyone get sick? Why can she heal them? 🤔
It’s pretty bad when Baki reviving a caveman to fight Japanese martial artists makes more sense.
E5; Nightwalkers – Here we have another stinker. People in some tiny town are possessed by immature Goa’uld, and the parasites take over the hosts at night in order to build a spaceship. It’s like some early Supernatural plot. Get this garbage outta here!
E6; Abyss – Abyss? More like ‘lifted out from despair into Entertainment Heaven!’ Jack is compelled to journey to a Goa’uld fortress held by Baal. And this dude is nuts. He has gravity technology that holds Jack to a wall while he tortures him with knives and acid bottles. Then when Jack DIES Baal brings him back to life with a sarcophagus.
In between torture sessions Daniel himself shows up in Jack’s cell. Yes, he’s ascended, but he can still pop in to comfort his old buddies. It’s a unique episode, and I can see why Baal will return in later seasons.
And yes, Baal is the ONLY villain I know of that shows up later. As I said earlier, I’ve watched ONE episode of Stargate SG-1 before I started the series. I can’t remember what season it was in, but it was playing on a free Samsung channel. The main actors from Farscape were there along with Teal’c, Baal, and Merlin’s ultimate weapons. It sounded crazy at the time, but I think I’m beginning to see how it’s all possible! 😅
E7; Shadow Play – The dude from Quantum Leap shows up. Yes, Ziggy himself. (I know it’s Dean Stockwell as Al in that show.) He’s from Jonas’ planet, and he’s convinced that a resistance movement is going to overthrow the bomb-crazed government.
Turns out he’s schizophrenic and imagined everything. It’s a fun episode though, in a horrifying way.
E8; The Other Guys – Oh no, it’s a Lower Decks episode. It’s not QUITE as bad as I thought it was going to be, though. The three losers DO interact with the main cast, and one of the nerds is played by Dr. Phlox’s actor from Enterprise. He’s pretty hilarious, and even makes some great Trek gags.
E9; Allegiance – An invisible enemy is killing everyone at a Goa’uld resistance base. But oh no! SG-1 left their ‘invisible guy’ detectors at home! What else can you do but pick up a heavy machine gun and start blasting away all over the place in an effort to stop the Predator-like assassin?
I really need to use YouTube more often in these posts. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! 😆
E10; Cure – There’s a planet that has a cure for everything. Turns out it’s really an addictive fluid extracted from a captured Goa’uld Queen. And then it ALSO turns out that this queen is the originator of the Tok’ra.
It’s funny, the Tok’ra are studying this queen before they know it’s their ancestor. They’re treating it like garbage because it’s ‘just another Goa’uld.’ Then the Tok’ra find out it’s THEIR queen and they 180 so fast. 🤣
E11; Prometheus – A reporter finds Sam in a parking lot and bugs her about some secret Prometheus project. The reporter has some sort of proof of a desert base and alien materials there. I have no idea what she’s talking about, but Sam goes back to Hammond and they decide to let the press in on some big secret. 🤨
The press crew is led to a secluded desert base where the Air Force has constructed a functional STARSHIP. Yes, with hyperdrive and a bridge and plenty of hallways and glowing monitors.
But it seems the camera crew has some saboteurs in the group! They somehow take over and demand that Colonel Simmons is released from prison and brought on board. Zounds! Q is in the captain’s seat at last!
Simmons and his goons take the ‘X-303’ as it’s called (Sir, we can’t call it the Enterprise.) into space and warp off somewhere. With only Sam and Jonas stuck on board, can they save the day!? Well, yes, but there’s a problem. The ship is saved, but they have no idea where Simmons took them. And with no knowledge of where they are, they can’t warp back. How could they possibly get out of this one!? (Simmons is also killed off. Blown out an airlock. Too bad.)
E12; Unnatural Selection – Thor, back in a new cloned body, immediately shows up in his battlecruiser and tows the X-303 home. And gosh, there’s no time to celebrate because the Replicators have been lured to a planet with a time-dilation bomb that slows down time and it didn’t go off and Thor NEEDS SG-1 and their new ship to go fix it. 😤
Jack and his crew of three people go to the Replicator planet and find that the time-dilation bomb has been reactivated anyway and time is now sped up on the planet instead of being slowed down as intended. The Replicators have also now become human-like androids instead of weird bugs.
There are five of these Replicator people, and Sam is able to make friends with one. He wants to leave the planet, and is willing to betray his robot buddies because he realizes how evil they all are. They agree to set a timer for the now-repaired time compressor. SG-1 will head back to the ship five minutes before it goes off, and the android will leave at minute three. You see, the android is faster and won’t need as much time. He also needs to stay as long as possible since the evil Replicators can sense his presence and will know if he leaves.
Funny thing is, while they were setting the bomb and discussing this plan, Jack makes a hand motion behind the android’s back. He signals to Sam to set the bomb for THREE minutes instead of five. This gives the android NO TIME to escape. Jack and the crew blast off while the android is left there with a befuddled and disappointed look on his face, frozen as time slows to a crawl.
E13; Sight Unseen – I should have taken the title’s advice and watched something else. This episode starts with a fun idea: the team finds a device that can reveal interdimensional beings. But the beings themselves are no threat. No, the threat comes from having the ‘dimension vision’ spread to normal civilians. Yes, seeing into another dimension spreads by touching people. Why would they make the device work this way!?
The end of this episode is just chasing some ex-military dude around that’s trying to escape the Air Force’s quarantine. I did like the final conversation with Jack and the disturbed dude, though.
E14; Smoke and Mirrors – Jack has had enough of Senator ‘Jellico’ Kinsey. He climbs a building and blows him away with a sniper rifle.
The SG-1 team is shocked at the news, and Jack soon returns from a long fishing trip. Did he truly assassinate our favorite politician guest star?
No, he didn’t. Some guy is using the disguise technology from that ‘Foothold’ episode. Luckily, the culprit can ONLY disguise himself as the people that the aliens scanned in that episode. Since Jonas Quinn wasn’t around that season, and Sam and Teal’c never got caught, that just leaves Jack and a few others as the possible disguises.
A fine episode, but Kinsey SURVIVES the gunshots!? They kill off John de Lancie’s character but this guy’s going on for a presidential run!? 😣
E15; Paradise Lost – I wish this episode would get lost. It’s all about Jack and Maybourne, marooned on some planet that was supposed to be paradise. It’s like the ‘Space Madness’ episode from Ren and Stimpy or ‘Marooned’ from Red Dwarf where characters that hate each other are stuck somewhere. Boring. 😴
E16; Metamorphosis – Nirrti is making super-mutants with some sort of DNA-altering machine. She captures the SG-1 team and a bunch of Russians to experiment on. But y’know, I’m not really fond of these stories where EVERYONE is captured for most of the episode. Cool ideas and makeup with the mutants, but seeing everyone in a cage for thirty minutes is not my cup of tea.
E17; Disclosure – Oh dear. Did the Stargate writers hear my complaining just now? Did they just drop a friggin’ CLIP SHOW onto me as punishment!? IN SEASON SIX!?
Yes indeed! In a clip show where most of the main cast doesn’t even APPEAR, General Hammond reveals the Stargate Program to several Earth world powers. The banter between ambassadors of the world is entertaining, but in the end it’s still a clip show. 🤢
E18; Forsaken – Once again we have the tried and true story of ‘We found some agreeable people that could help us. Oops, they’re actually evil.’ At least there are non-human aliens this time, and they even have cool makeup! Yes, please! Enough with the boring humans.
E19; The Changeling – I’m not even gonna make a joke about Odo; this episode is the kind of stuff I love. The episode starts off with Teal’c on an operating table. Apophis himself is the surgeon, telling Teal’c that he’ll soon die and face his god. But suddenly our Jaffa buddy is a fireman, acting like a normal Joe with Jack, Sam, and the other characters as his coworkers. Soon reality shifts back to Stargate Command where Teal’c is beginning to question his sanity.
The entire episode is wild and purposely bizarre, and even Daniel’s ascended self shows up to comfort Teal’c in his despair and confusion. But all this madness isn’t just for my entertainment: Teal’c, in the real world, has lost his Goa’uld parasite. I knew we had to deal with this eventually, and now the time has come for Teal’c to die.
Haha, no, all Teal’c has to do is take the medicine from that ‘Cure’ episode. Yeah, I guess someone’s making that stuff again. I didn’t catch where it was from. Maybe the Tok’ra? Man, I miss Vanessa Angel. 😭
E20; Memento – The X-303 starship is back and it’s on the move! As it warps across the galaxy the engine instantly malfunctions, gets jettisoned, and explodes. Whoops, no starship adventures for me I guess. 😅
Now the team is stuck on a planet, trying to get the aliens there to dig up their forgotten Stargate so everyone can get back home and find a new reactor for the X-303. As usual, there’s one guy that doesn’t trust SG-1. At least the X-303 still has enough firepower to ‘convince’ him to change his mind. LASER CANNONS activate! 😎
E21; Prophesy – Jonas Quinn—remember him?—now has future vision. He warns his team members about disasters that will soon happen, but his warnings end up CAUSING the disasters. I can’t remember if his prophesies save the day or not. He just gets the power cut out of him by Dr. Fraiser anyway. Oh, sorry, she has to call an actual brain surgeon. Sheesh, seems like she never does anything. 🤔
E22; Full Circle – Ascended Daniel shows up and tells Jack that Abydos is in danger. Anubis has heard that the final dragon ball is there, and with his collection complete he can BECOME IMMORTAL!
No, it’s actually some relic that completes a collection that gives Anubis the power to DESTROY ABYDOS! Jack and his team do everything they can, but Anubis gets the artifact, completes the weapon, and blows everything away.
Daniel, who’s been observing all season, has HAD ENOUGH! He uses his awesome cosmic might to save the lives of everyone on the planet. The powers-that-be take him away to be punished, I assume, but Anubis escapes.
The SG-1 team barely escaped the destruction as well, but they have a consolation prize: a tablet that speaks of a mysterious lost city. What could this city be?
(It would be hilarious if it wasn’t Atlantis. I know there’s a spin-off show called Stargate: Atlantis, but I have no idea what the relation is to this show. Atlantis has not been mentioned in this show EVEN ONCE so I’m beginning to doubt it’s even something that exists. 🤨
Supernatural Season 12 – Gotta be kidding me; I’ve only watched two more episodes since last month? Have I gone space crazy?
E10, Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets – And this one is actually good stuff: Castiel’s old heavenly platoon is being murdered and he has to find out why. We soon find out the angel-killer is someone named Lily Sunder. Castiel recalls that this person was involved in birthing a nephilim, which is the offspring of an angel and a human. Castiel was ordered to go kill the little baby.
Castiel is loyal to his old war buddies, but leave it to the bros to find out the real secret: those angel buddies lied to Castiel all those years ago. There was no nephilim. One of the angels was just in love with Lily Sunder, got rejected, and just wanted to kill her new human family.
And although I had some questions about how Lily was able to learn all this powerful angel magic in order to destroy angels and be immune to all their attacks, one question is at the fore in my mind:
Why was the first angel victim playing the arcade game Rampage at the start of the episode!?
E11, Regarding Dean – Dean is chasing some guy in the forest when he gets blasted with the Obliviate spell from Harry Potter. This causes him to LOSE HIS MIND! He forgets what lamps are. He forgets how good bacon is. He even forgets about that time he saw a dead guy. 😯
Since witches are the only people that cast spells in non-Potter worlds, the bros need to find a witch to help them out! And since there is only one witch left alive after last season, it’s time to go find Rowena! Yes, Crowley’s mom is now the one friendly with the boys.
And as fun as it was watching Dean act like Phillip Fry from Futurama, it did eventually get old. (I did like the gag with the post-it notes at the end, though.)
See you next time! 👾
(Seriously, why Rampage? Why not some angel-like game like Actraiser or Kid Icarus?)