Javier posted his Amazon review on July 4th, 2021. That means he read Abandonment Party before the professional BookViral review! I gotta hand it to you, man, you didn’t wait for society to tell you this novel was good! I respect that! So let’s take a look at what you wrote:
Well, ‘viral’ in that the book has a virus mentioned in the first chapter. 😅 But enough jests! At long last, my book is reviewed by a critique website! Behold:
I gave Dad a couple of presents last Sunday: a candle and a plant. He returned the favor by finding an error in my book, Abandonment Party:
‘Laptop’ should be ‘lugtop.’ This book-wide switcheroo is a late change that Kim convinced me to make. She told me that ‘laptop’ wasn’t good enough. These were government-made computing machines, after all! Gifts for the abandoned. Unwieldly and heavy, but with the added benefit of superior battery life and transmission range.
Ah, they also have ANOTHER great feature:
Spyware that records the personal activities of anyone using the device! (As if I had to make this a spoiler. You probably figured it out in the prologue. ‘Oh, the government is giving the settlers free laptops. Nothing strange there.’ 😑
So I named them all ‘lugtop’ to distinguish them from the ONE other different type of laptop computer that appears in the book.
So I fixed the error with the magic of online ebooks. I’m sure no one else noticed. Thank you, Father! Your endless criticism has finally come in handy! 😅
Well, it’s been a few days since the release. Let’s see how the ol’ Abandonment Party ranks on Amazon:
My, my! It ranks near one hundred sixty-eight thousand! I’ve heard that there are MILLIONS of books on Amazon, which means I’ve surpassed millions of other books without even one advertisement! And I’ve got stencils and window markers ready to put ABANDONMENT PARTY all over my truck windshield! Watch out, literary world!
Wait. What’s this? My book is being ranked in the SPACE MARINE category!? There aren’t any space marines in my book! Although Mackaba does mention his marine scooter once.
This can mean only one thing: BRAD VERSUS THE SPACE MARINES! I should have known it would come to this. Looks like I only have about a thousand marines to beat. Will Abandonment Party prevail? Or will Jim Raynor’s love for Kerrigan spur his troops to victory? I’ll do my best to keep you updated.
“I hope you brought enough Zerglings, boy!”
Zounds, Abandonment Party is here! Go get it on Amazon!
After all these years the book is finally done! Look at what the power of the individual can do! All I needed was the help and support of a few close friends and family! Aaaaaand one of the world’s largest corporations. 😅
Ahem. I assume I can still edit the book if any problems arise. Just come leave a comment here if you find a missing exclamation point. Or if something in the story isn’t explained well enough. I can’t imagine how that would be the case, though. Kim was brutally efficient with her critiques… surely the general public can’t be any pickier than she is?
I suppose with this epilogue Kim’s edits are all done. Good work, Kim! I’ll see you for the sequel!
Kim also has no major qualms with the ending, so let’s get started with her FINAL notes.
Summary:
Hardpan city has been destroyed. Mackaba crawls through the wreckage and rain, dejected and defeated. He realizes that the Lord Leys aren’t coming back, and that he has been abandoned.
A man reveals his presence to Mackaba, a man inside a mobile glass cube. He relates to Mackaba’s situation, and proclaims how lucky Mackaba is to meet him: He is the hero Pinada. Continue reading
Zounds, can it be? Are we at the end of Abandonment Party? Continue reading
Only a couple chapters left! I tell ya, Kim’s no-holds-barred critiques are taking my writing to a whole new level!
But before we move on I’d like to revisit my little discussion about plans from the previous post. Specifically, how much fun it is to have the hero with no plan defeat the villain who has an elaborate one. In fact, I found a discussion on reddit the other day where people were celebrating this very thing:
One Piece: Chapter 974 – Official Release Discussion from OnePiece
It was in the One Piece forum, where people were discussing chapter 974. Yes, there are that many chapters. And in this chapter the protagonist, Luffy, shows up to ruin the villains’ plan. But Luffy never has a plan. He just runs ahead and starts wrecking things. And I love it. It happened like this in Dragon Ball, too. That’s probably why I don’t give my protagonists plans; I think it’s hilarious when the meticulous villain is dumbfounded by some schmuck that shows up with a bunch of improvised nonsense.
And I’m glad that other people love that way of storytelling, too. Why, just look at these wise quotes from the thread:
Poetry.
This right here is how I live my life.
Faultless logic.
This line is spoken by Captain Cold from The Flash, and I love quoting it. I usually get the last line wrong, though.
Uh, whoops, not sure what that one means. But enough fooling around! On to Kim’s edits! Continue reading
Summary:
Mean and Parlay are still battling inside the floating cage, with the portal between worlds raging above them. Mean uses her gravity power to tilt the cage upside-down, escaping from Parlay’s grasp. The cage corrects itself. Seeing that vein alone won’t be enough to stop Mean, Parlay takes out another plant from his collection: the dream lily.
This plant covers the floor and emits toxic gas; Mean is disoriented and takes several hits from Parlay and his vein that is now fashioned into a scythe.
Mean rotates the cage around twice more, battering Parlay and killing the lily. She uses the last of her energy to drag Parlay across the floor before she crashes into the wall, unable to stop her own momentum.
Parlay gets up and realizes that his tooth just fell out: he no longer has the power to release the Slate virus from its dormant state. He moves in to kill Mean. He hesitates when he sees that she only has one heart, unlike the four smaller ones that all Jesians have.
But there is no time to ponder this: Three strange men appear in the cage. They are from Parlay’s past life, and the cage transforms into an arena surrounded by spectators. All of them panic and are vaporized out of their clothes, including the three men that were taunting Parlay.
Mean looks up to see that the hall has been encircled by a chain-like wreath. It was all a vision. Hellzoo has returned. Continue reading
Three chapters remain, plus the epilogue. Let’s do this.
Summary:
Tecker and Hatchel see the hall in the sky that Error made. They call for the lord ley express jet so they can fly up and close the portal between worlds.
Mean and Parlay battle inside the cage as it flies away from Hardpan and towards the hall. Parlay reveals an amulet that houses vein, a magic-nullifying organism. The gelatinous substance reacts to his command: forming pillars, crossbows, and sharp projectiles. Mean busts out a hidden talent of her own and flies around the cage to dodge Parlay’s attacks. If she can damage him enough, his static magic will fail; but she can’t let him directly touch her or she’ll be at his mercy.
The chapter ends with Mean ensnared in a vein web and Parlay’s hand around her throat.
Will this be enough to impress Kim? I think you already know the answer to that…. Continue reading
